he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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