actually, I'm a sock model
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
