The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
