i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
