This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
