ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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