you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
