Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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