Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
