Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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