ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ketchup is God's man juice
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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