i don't like sucking hair
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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