I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
farters have to be the big spoon...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
