I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
