Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
