Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
