every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
