Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
