Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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