Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
