guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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