Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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