you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
