just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
