I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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