We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
