I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
