Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
