Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
