If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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