Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
