if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
