please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
