Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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