Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
