If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
