I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
