I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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