im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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