Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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