try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
