my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
