I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
