Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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