I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
