Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
