If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
