You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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