ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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