Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
